A Mother’s Fight to Let Her Child Fly
You’d think it would be simple.
A 16-year-old with a big heart and bigger dreams wants to join her classmates on a school-organized humanitarian trip.
The trip is paid for. The itinerary is set. She’s ready. Excited. Prepared.
But when you’ve escaped abuse, when you’re raising children under the weight of a system that only pretends to protect them—nothing is simple.
Because in Canada, even if the other parent has been charged with child abuse, with uttering threats to cause loss of life, with threats of bodily harm to his own children, with sexual assault against their mother—even then, he can still say no.
And that one word, from one man who has caused so much harm, can stop everything.
💔 “Shared Parenting” in the Shadow of Abuse
The system says co-parenting is best.
The law says consent is needed from both parents.
And because parents have rights – even when everyone except the legal system can see that they should lose them!
But what happens when the other parent is using that consent as a weapon?
What happens when the person you’re meant to “co-parent” with has been charged with crimes against the very children he’s being asked to decide for?
What happens when silence is another form of control, and dragging things out is just another tactic to punish you?
📌 A Legal Maze with No Exit
I haven’t spoken to him. I can’t.
He’s facing charges for sexually assaulting me, for abusing our children, for threats to kill, and for bodily harm.
When he was first released, he violated the police conditions placed on him.
So he was put on bail.
And now, he has police-imposed restrictions regarding two of our children.
I cannot legally or safely speak to him.
Neither can our child.
So I’ve done what the system expects:
I’ve followed the rules.
I’ve hired a lawyer.
I’ve sent letters.
I’ve waited for a response.
And still—no consent.
Then, last month, he filed a motion in Family Court. Not just denying consent—but accusing me. Calling me irresponsible. Claiming I didn’t consult him. Arguing that our child isn’t well enough to travel, despite medical clearance from both her doctor and her pediatrician.
And now, with just days left, we’re scrambling to get an emergency order through the courts.
⚖️ The Legal Irony of Being Sixteen
Here’s the cruel irony:
At 16, my child can legally:
- Drop out of school
- Get married (with some restrictions)
- Consent to medical treatment
- Work full-time
- Even have a baby of her own
She can drive a car.
She can live on her own.
But she can’t get on a plane—
because an abusive father she wants nothing to do with refuses to give his consent.
This isn’t about legal protection.
This is about legal control.
💨 This Isn’t About Parenting. It’s About Power.
Let’s be clear:
This trip isn’t a luxury. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
It’s a humanitarian trip—not a holiday.
Students will travel to Costa Rica, where they’ll volunteer in local schools, repaint buildings, help on coffee plantations, and bring food and supplies to impoverished children.
They’ll earn over 100 volunteer hours, which are crucial for university and scholarship applications.
My child dreams big. She’s applying for top schools—MIT is on her list.
And we’ve invested in that dream.
I invested.
Not “we.”
Never “we”
I paid $2,000 just to get her on that plane for the trip
Then came the clothes,
the spending money,
the luggage,
the hidden fees, the extras—
the “plus, plus, plus” no one else sees.
I skipped the hydro bill.
We lived on basic groceries.
No luxuries. No extras.
I didn’t buy anything for myself. Not once.
Because this trip was her dream.
And I would’ve done it ten times over.
And now, because of one man’s refusal—she may lose it all.
🏪 Meanwhile, in Our Home…
The family court ordered him to pay just over half of what he should as an interim – we are six months later and no sign on that interim changing any time soon.
He responded by stopping the mortgage payments.
He stopped paying the house insurance.
He found another way to take control—because that’s what abuse is: a shape-shifting monster.
And now, I’m left with less than before.
Even when you win, you lose in this corrupted system
We live in a house with:
- No insulation in one wall that we survived all winter with -A wall that’s still just framing and hope
- A collapsed ceiling from repairs he didnt do before he was arrested -18 monts ago
- A half-finished bathroom which had no sinks so we brushed our teeth over the bath until I watched enough you tube videos and an amazing friend who had great skills came and helped me
Because there is no money left—not after legal bills at $500 an hour and an ex to be who pays below the minimum because he can
🤯 This Is What They Don’t Tell You About Abuse
They don’t tell you that abuse doesn’t end when you leave.
They don’t tell you that the system will require you to keep engaging with your abuser for years.
They don’t tell you that your child’s future can be held hostage with a signature.
And they certainly don’t tell you that the law will look at someone who’s been charged with assaulting his kids, threatening their lives, and sexually violating their mother—and still call him a “parent with rights.”
This isn’t parenting.
This is punishment.
💨 What Hurts Most
It’s not just the delay.
It’s not just the money.
It’s watching your child realize they are still not free.
It’s seeing the heartbreak in her eyes when she realizes that, no matter how hard she works, no matter how good she is, someone who hurt her still gets to say “no.”
It’s watching her question why the system protects him and not her.
And wondering if she thinks I failed—when I’ve done everything.
💔 It’s Not Just Me
A friend of mine went through this too.
Her ex—also warned for criminal harassment—refused to hand over the passports he took with him or sign the consent forms for their children to travel overseas to see their grandparents one Christmas.
He used consent like a bribe.
“I’ll sign if you give me this.”
“I would’ve let you go—but your mother…”
She spent nearly $10,000 in legal fees.
The children didn’t understand.
They thought she was the problem.
She got the passports—barely in time.
And now, her father is dying. They need to fly to say goodbye, and once again, she had to fight for permission.
This is not a one-off.
This is not rare.
This is the lived experience of countless mothers and children.
💡 What Can You Do?
If this is your story too—please hear me:
- You are not crazy.
- You are not overreacting.
- You are not alone.
And if you’re someone watching from the outside, don’t ask why she didn’t leave.
Ask why the system let him stay involved after she did.
⛔️ Final Thoughts
This isn’t about a vacation.
It’s about purpose.
It’s about growth.
It’s about giving our children a shot at something beautiful and rare.
It’s about dignity.
And peace.
And healing.
And it’s about showing them that love protects, even when the system doesn’t.
That strength doesn’t always roar—sometimes, it whispers:
“I have done everything I can.”
“I kept fighting.”
“I didn’t give up.”
“You mattered that much.”
I’m not the storm.
I didn’t create this.
I didn’t weaponize consent.
I’ve done everything I could to be the calm.
And I hope—more than anything—that one day, my child looks back and knows that.
I speak to the lawyer again Monday.
We file more papers.
And then it’ll be eight days left.
Two of those are a weekend.
I am hopeful—but doubtful at the same time.
Because that’s what surviving the system looks like.
