When I first made my police statement in January 2024, coercive control wasn’t even recognized as a standalone criminal offence in Canada. I shared everything I could about the abuse, the threats, the sexual assault. I thought I was telling the whole story.
But in June 2024, Canada passed Bill C-332. Finally, coercive and controlling behaviour toward an intimate partner was recognized as a crime. The law changed. And with it, so did my understanding of just how much he really took from me.
And no one told me. Not the police. Not the court. Not even victim services. I had to find this out on my own. Like always.
What is Coercive Control? Why It Matters
Coercive control is a pattern of manipulative and controlling behaviours that systematically strip away a victim’s autonomy, freedom, and sense of self. It’s not just about physical violence. It’s about using psychological tactics, emotional abuse, and intimidation to maintain power and control over someone. It can involve:
- Financial control (like preventing access to money or forcing dependence)
- Isolation (cutting off access to friends, family, or support networks)
- Surveillance (monitoring movements, phone, social media, and even the use of technology)
- Gaslighting (making the victim question their reality or sanity)
- Threats (including threats of harm, or threats against children)
- Intimidation (through force, intimidation, or emotional abuse)
This isn’t a “bad relationship.” It’s deliberate, controlled destruction of the victim’s identity, stability, and safety. And the trauma left in the wake of coercive control is often worse than physical violence—because it erodes the victim’s ability to trust themselves, their reality, or their ability to leave.
The psychological effects are devastating. Victims are often left with complex PTSD—resulting in constant fear, flashbacks, anxiety, and an inability to process what happened. These aren’t just temporary effects—they last long after the relationship ends. They will apologise for everything always even when it isnt there fault. They are unable to thrive if faced with uncertainty as they lived in a flight or fight state for so long. Changes occur to the brain structure and nervous system decimating lives. This is why many victims struggle with mental health and feel like they’ll never fully recover.
The reality is: coercive control is often the biggest predictor of intimate partner homicide. When someone systematically breaks down their partner’s sense of reality, isolates them, and controls every aspect of their life—violence and murder become the tragic next steps.
Coercive control isn’t just toxic—it’s life-threatening.
And it is now almost recognized as a criminal offence in Canada. This is one step forward in acknowledging the long-term harm caused by such abuse.
When Even the House Was a Prison—and a Weapon
He didn’t just trap me emotionally or financially. He trapped me physically.
He left the house in a semi-demolished state. Walls half-finished. Rooms gutted. Repairs started and never completed. Not because he couldn’t finish them, but because it gave him leverage.
“You can’t leave—the house is unsellable.”
He told me we were stuck. That we had no options. And when I stayed, because I felt I had no choice, he turned around and used it against me. He took photos. Told people I was unstable. Pointed to the damage—his damage—and used it to suggest I was an unfit mother living in poor conditions.
This is coercive control. He created the prison, then blamed me for living in it.
When Money Became a Weapon
He used money to keep me powerless.
He cut me off from our shared business. Set up a new one and funnels profits away while I am prevented from even accessing a business bank statement or Finance Report. He pays only half the child support, but refuses to pay the mortgage or home insurance. The truck is in my name—he can’t drive it—yet he refuses to return it. I keep making the payments, just to protect my credit.
He let the business credit card default, knowing I had personally guaranteed it. He abandoned property taxes, utility bills, and even refused to pay for half of our child’s online course after I signed the contract.
This wasn’t just neglect. It was sabotage. It was punishment.
And now in the civil court case—he keeps filing for adjournments. It’s been six months, and I can’t get it back in front of a judge. He stalls everything. He delays justice. He controls the pace, and I’m left hanging, powerless to take meaningful action.
Worse still, he filed an ex parte motion without warning, accusing me of using Christmas access to our son against him. But the truth is: he and his lawyer had weeks to organize holiday time. They submitted motions and affidavits, yet never once raised the issue until after my lawyer’s office had closed for the holidays.
He refuses to hand over my truck that is in my name that I am STILL 18 months after his arrest making payments on because the loan is in my name and I cannot afford the bad credit. The police cannot get it back because he is legally entitled to half and he cannot sell it or drive it so it sits there depreciating whilst i make payments and drive our children around on dirt and gravel backroads in vehicles not suitable for Canadian Winters putting their lives more at risk. That’s not co-parenting. That’s calculation. That’s priority made clear.
When Digital Control Became Surveillance
He installed cameras in our home. Then in the office. With microphones.
One day, I refused to answer his call while he was screaming at me—so he spoke to me through the camera. Through the surveillance system in my own workplace whilst he was in another Province.
He uploaded my entire computer to a cloud server he controlled. Tracked every keystroke. Read every message. Blocked people on my social media and changed passwords on my personal emails to his as recovery so I couldn’t get back in. Destroyed my phone – so that all his abusive texts were destroyed. Tracked my car—I’m sure of it. Because within nine minutes of arriving at the police station, he knew where I was. In one day whilst I was visiting my sick father in hospital in Scotland he accessed a phone location tracker 129. 129 times in 24 hours this is a whole new level of stalking.
This wasn’t care. This was control. This was psychological warfare.
When He Used People as Proxies
He made an employee his surety. Then that same employee—and her husband—began to abuse me verbally and emotionally. She committed gross misconduct. I had to fight him and his lawyer to have her removed.
But they agreed only if I went to the office and fired her in person. They knew what they were doing. They knew his bail conditions allowed him to be there. They knew the trauma it would cause. But they wanted to make me walk into that space. To break me one more time.
This was control, cloaked in process.
When He Used the Children
I tried to co-parent through one of his friends. I tried to keep it civil. But everything I did—boundaries, chores, accountability—was twisted. He used my parenting decisions as ammunition in CAS reports. Said I was controlling. Said I was harming the children. He used my structure against me.
He used employees to text me repeatedly about dropping off our son—even though we were in court over custody, and he had been charged with child abuse and uttering threats.
Our daughter was invited on a humanitarian school trip. Medically cleared. Excited. And he denied travel consent—after being charged with abusing and threatening that same child. Not out of concern. But because I didn’t consult him. Because he could. We have just over a week and she may not be able to fly on a trip fully paid for by me.
This isn’t parenting. This is punishment.
Blocking the Unwanted Influence
Recently, I made the difficult but necessary decision to block an employee of his (technically ours as I own 50% of the business as well) from my phone. This individual had been ignoring my boundaries, texting me inappropriately despite knowing the situation. This was more than just a case of professional communication—it was a conflict of interest. The business they’re involved in is part of the ongoing civil court case. I had already suggested firing this employee last year, but my ex amended her contract to ensure three months of written notice—a clear move to make sure I had no power over the situation, even as it was causing me emotional distress.
By blocking him, I’ve just closed one more door that could have been used against me. This isn’t about shutting someone out—it’s about protecting my peace.
I don’t have to let people into my life who disrespect me, who ignore my boundaries, and who cause me emotional harm. And no one—not my ex, not his associates, not anyone—has the right to dictate who I allow into my space.
What If I Add to My Statement Now?
Now that I know coercive control is almost a criminal offence in Canada, I’m asking: Can I still make another statement when it is finally a crime? Will it matter?
The answer is: yes. I will be able to submit a supplemental statement to the Crown or police. I can provide affidavits from people who saw what he did. And if the Crown accepts that evidence, they may add new criminal charges under Section 264.01 of the Criminal Code.
That could mean:
- More weight in criminal court
- A stronger position in family court custody decisions
- A clearer picture of the abuse I lived through
And most importantly:
It means the legal system may finally recognize what I endured as real, patterned abuse—not just “a bad breakup.”
So, Is It Worth It?
I don’t know.
I’m tired. I’m fighting in civil court. Criminal court is coming. The weight of it all is crushing some days.
But when I look at the full picture—the manipulation, the threats, the sabotage, the twisted parenting games, the systemic failures—I know:
If I don’t speak this truth, then he wins.
He didn’t just hurt me. He created the destruction, then blamed me for the mess.
And now I’m here. Still standing. Still speaking. Still surviving.
Because silence is what kept me invisible.
And I refuse to disappear again.
If someone is found guilty of coercive control under Section 264.01 of the Criminal Code (which passed its first stage in becoming ratified as a criminal offense in Canada in 2024), the legal outcomes can vary depending on the circumstances of the case, including the severity of the abuse, the history of the defendant’s behavior, and other factors. Here’s what you could expect in terms of the potential legal outcomes:
1. Criminal Penalties for Coercive Control
Under Bill C-332, coercive control should be treated as a stand-alone offence, which means it will carry its own penalties, separate from other charges like physical assault or sexual violence. The maximum penalty discussed for coercive control is 10 years in prison, depending on the severity of the actions involved.
- Incarceration: If the abuser is convicted, a judge can impose jail time, especially if the coercive control was ongoing, escalated over time, or involved severe psychological harm or threats.
- Probation: In some cases, if the abuser is not sentenced to jail, they could be placed on probation. This would likely include strict conditions, including no contact with the victim, mandatory counseling, or mental health evaluations.
- Fines: A fine may be imposed, but it would generally be in addition to, or instead of, incarceration, rather than a primary form of punishment.
- Protection Orders: If you haven’t already, the court may impose no-contact orders or protection orders as part of the sentence to ensure the abuser stays away from you and your children. This could also extend to preventing indirect contact through third parties, including employees or mutual friends.
2. Impact on Family and Civil Court Cases
If coercive control charges are brought against your ex, the outcome can have significant legal implications in both family and civil court:
- Custody and Access: The criminal conviction could heavily influence family court decisions about custody and access to the children. Courts prioritize the best interests of the children, and evidence of coercive control (especially with a conviction) will likely result in:
- Supervised visitation (if any access is allowed at all)
- Sole custody to the victim (you) with the abuser having no or limited access
- No shared custody or joint decisions for your children
- Property Division and Financial Settlements: In divorce or civil cases, a conviction for coercive control could also impact property division and spousal support. If it’s shown that the abuser manipulated or controlled financial decisions, it could influence:
- Unequal division of property
- Greater entitlement to spousal support for you
- Impact on the abuser’s credibility in financial matters, especially if they have demonstrated a history of lying or manipulating legal documents
- Child Support: A conviction may also be used to argue for higher child support payments, especially if it demonstrates that the abuser was intentionally controlling finances, limiting their ability to contribute to the household or to the children’s welfare.
3. Mental Health and Rehabilitation
Coercive control cases may also involve mental health assessments, both for the victim and the perpetrator. The abuser could be ordered to attend counseling or therapy as part of their sentencing. If the abuser is found guilty, and their behaviour is tied to specific psychological issues (e.g., narcissistic tendencies, obsessive behavior), rehabilitation programs may be recommended.
- Psychological assessments: These could be used to help courts determine sentencing and what measures are appropriate.
- Therapy or counseling: The abuser may be ordered to attend therapy as part of their probation, but rehabilitation is not always effective in addressing coercive control behaviors.
4. The Long-Term Impact on the Perpetrator’s Life
A conviction for coercive control could have serious long-term consequences for the abuser’s life. In addition to the legal consequences, they may also face:
- Loss of employment: Depending on their job or profession, a criminal conviction could result in the loss of their position, particularly if it involves a role where trust is crucial.
- Social stigma: Being convicted of coercive control may lead to lasting social consequences, including damaged personal relationships and reputational harm.
- Record: A criminal record for coercive control can impact future employment opportunities, travel (e.g., restrictions on traveling to some countries), and other legal aspects of their life.
5. Reparations and Victim Compensation
While criminal penalties are aimed at punishing the perpetrator, there may also be options for victim restitution or compensation. In some cases:
- Victims can apply for compensation through provincial or federal schemes for victims of crime, though this varies by jurisdiction.
- Civil claims: You may also have the option to file a civil lawsuit for damages caused by the coercive control, including emotional distress, loss of income, and other personal damages.
Conclusion
The legal outcome of a coercive control conviction would likely be life-changing for the perpetrator, with potential jail time, restrictions on contact, and long-lasting consequences on their personal and professional life.
For you, it could strengthen your position in family court, allowing for better custody arrangements, protection, and financial fairness. It could validate your experiences and help ensure that you and your children are safe moving forward.
If you’re considering submitting additional statements and evidence in light of this law, it could be a pivotal step in your ongoing legal battles, and I’d encourage you to discuss this with your lawyer, as the law surrounding coercive control may significantly impact the outcome of both your criminal and family court cases.
If you recognize any part of your story in mine, know this: you are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not the problem.
What you’re facing has a name now.
It’s called coercive control.
And in Canada—it’s now almost recognized as a crime.
You deserve safety.
You deserve justice.
You deserve to be free.
