A year ago, six months after my husband was arrested, I was barely functioning, lost in a fog of trauma and PTSD, struggling to make it through each day. But in the past year, I’ve found my fire again. Through therapy, self-reflection, and the unwavering support of incredible women and men in my life, I’ve reclaimed my strength. The journey hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it.
Now, that fire is not only about my healing—it’s about fighting for my future, my children’s safety, and ensuring that the person who caused us so much harm is held accountable. While the criminal cases are in the hands of the Crown Prosecutor and the justice system, I am focused on the battles I can fight—starting with securing my children’s safety and reclaiming control of our future.
1. The Reality of the Legal Battle: Facing a Man Who Doesn’t Value His Promises
My husband’s repeated violations of his bail conditions against me are a stark reminder of how little he values his promises—especially when they’re made on paper. Despite having a surety, he broke his conditions, and now he will face criminal charges for that breach. His disregard for the law and his violent threats against my children have left me with no choice but to continue this fight.
He has police-imposed conditions barring him from contact with two of our four children. Yet, he’s still facing charges of abuse, uttering threats of bodily harm, and threatening the loss of life to them. While these cases are now in the hands of the justice system, I cannot control how quickly things move. All I can do is focus on what’s within my control: protecting my children, taking action in the family court, and fighting for what’s right.
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” — Edmund Burke
2. The Need for a Tactical Litigation Plan: Fighting for What’s Right
The legal landscape I’m navigating isn’t easy. The system moves slowly, and the emotional toll it takes is heavy. But the truth is clear: my husband has no respect for the rules or for the safety of our children. His actions, his threats, and his violations have made it abundantly clear that the only way to protect my children and myself is to keep pushing forward with a solid legal strategy.
I served the divorce papers and made three settlement offers, but I am no further ahead. I managed to get a hearing after 10 months and won interim child support, but that’s the extent of the progress. Every other motion filed has been by the other side. My lawyer—whom I just fired—seemed content to take a defensive position. But as I heal and recover, my fire is returning. I’m no longer satisfied with sitting back and waiting. I believe it’s time to go on the offensive and take charge of this process. The time for passivity has passed.
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” — Alice Walker
This isn’t just about survival—it’s about winning. My litigation plan is about securing my children’s future and ensuring that my ex’s influence is permanently severed. It’s about securing sole decision-making responsibility for my children’s upbringing and making sure they’re no longer exposed to the dangers he presents. And it’s about getting the financial relief I deserve after years of manipulation and control.
3. Building a Strong Case: Every Detail Counts
I’ve spent months gathering evidence—documentation of every abusive act, every violation of his bail conditions, and every piece of proof that will make my case stronger. The legal system may be slow, but I’m prepared. The documents I’ve collected aren’t just words on paper—they’re my armor, my shield in the battle to protect my children.
For example, when I needed an emergency travel order for my daughter to go on a humanitarian trip overseas, my lawyer refused to help. Despite having all the documentation and evidence to support my case, my lawyer’s refusal to assist me left me with no choice but to take matters into my own hands. I defeated all objections in court and won a court order of consent for my daughter to travel.
Knowing what was happening in my case was key. When I stood up and argued for my daughter to be able to fly, I was able to list all the reasons why and then when the judge switched to the motion where I was preventing my son from seeing his father. The judge then adjourned the motion for five weeks until the reports came back. I was prepared—I knew all the motion dates and had pulled statements directly from my ex’s own affidavits to strengthen my argument. That preparation allowed me to effectively challenge any objections and secure a victory.
4. Financial Abuse: The Hidden Battle
In addition to the emotional abuse, my husband has also made it incredibly difficult for me to manage finances and take care of the children. Seven months ago, I obtained an interim child support payment order, but my previous lawyer did nothing to advance this. Although he started paying some child support, he stopped all half payments for the mortgage and insurance, which are still partially in his name. At the same time, he refused to return my truck, leaving me to make monthly payments on an auto loan in my name for a truck he legally doesn’t need to hand back, but cannot drive.
Last week, when I went to withdraw money for the final payment for my daughter’s Costa Rica humanitarian trip, I discovered that although he transferred $1600 of child support, he used just over $1200 to pay his own bills. This is just one example of the financial manipulation I’ve had to deal with. He also sold land in his name—land he is legally not allowed to sell while in litigation—and owes me 50% of the sale proceeds.
He has also failed to pay any Section 7 expenses or other children’s expenses in the past 18 months. On top of that, he left me with over $12,000 in property tax arrears and another $3,000 in unpaid utility bills, which I’ve had to clear on my own. This has placed an immense strain on my ability to manage finances for myself and the children, adding another layer to the ongoing struggle.
Despite this, I am taking financial steps toward my independence. I have two payments left on my truck loan, and as of a week ago, I signed a new auto loan for a 2022 SUV. It will take me seven years to pay it off, but it represents a crucial financial step toward freedom and independence.
5. My Strategy: Tactical, Focused, Unyielding
As I move forward in this legal battle, I’m keeping my strategy tight and my focus sharper than ever. Here’s how we’re approaching it:
- Sole Decision-Making Responsibility: I will fight for sole decision-making responsibility regarding my children’s upbringing, ensuring that my ex’s actions are not allowed to continue impacting their lives. This motion will be supported by all the evidence of his abuse and misconduct. My ex has already proven how difficult it can be to even get my daughter on a plane for a humanitarian trip. He is now refusing to allow me to get passports for the children, and brings up issues like changing schools and therapy, criticizing me for making decisions without his permission. However, the mental and emotional well-being of the children must always come first. Children’s mental health should trump parental rights, and that will be central to my argument.
- Visitation Restrictions: I am fighting to prevent any unsupervised visitation with our son. The actions of my husband, combined with the ongoing threats, make it clear that unsupervised visits are not in his best interest. For our third daughter, who is so terrified of him that she struggled to attend school last year, I will be working with my new lawyer to pursue a temporary restraining order, even though I acknowledge that fathers—despite their past actions—do have legal rights, and he is innocent until proven guilty – I want this man as far away from our children as I can keep him.
- Financial Abuse Redress: Beyond the emotional abuse, there’s been financial manipulation that has kept me in a cycle of dependence. I’m making sure that he is held accountable for any unpaid child support and financial control he’s exerted over me.
6. Finding Strength in Poetry and Healing: The Road to My First Book
This battle has also highlighted the inequalities in the justice system. The issues of an overloaded system, as well as lawyers who get upset when you refuse to negotiate the safety of one child for the right of another to have a piece of paper allowing her to fly, have been frustrating. But through it all, I’ve found a new outlet for my emotions and struggles: poetry.
Starting this blog and my website was part of my healing journey. I discovered a whole new world of poetry, and it has been a lifeline for me. I’m now aiming to publish my first book of poems after the trial next year. Whether the trial results in a win or a loss, the book will either be a celebration of triumph or a reframe of my life still moving forward, regardless of the outcome.
My ex is still pleading not guilty, but his accumulation of criminal charges continues to grow. It started with one charge, then grew to four after violating police conditions, then two children pressed charges, taking it to eight, and now his latest bail breach has brought it to nine.
Whatever happens in court, I know one thing for sure: I am free, and I am getting stronger. I still have bad days, but I have the skills and techniques to cope, and I have amazing friends who always have my back.
7. A Final Thought: This Is Not Just a Fight for Survival—It’s a Fight for Justice
The road ahead will be long, and the system will continue to move at its glacial pace, but I am not deterred. This fight is about so much more than just legal victories. It’s about making sure that my children’s futures are free from the shadows of abuse. It’s about holding people accountable for their actions and ensuring that my husband never gets a chance to harm us again.
More people standing up to say “this is wrong” and holding others accountable for abuse is key to helping women and men who come through the system afterward. Even if I don’t receive all the justice I hope for, I believe that standing up now will make a difference for those who will follow. This fight will help the next generation of victims, and that makes it all worthwhile.
“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world…would do this, it would change the earth.” — William Faulkner
My fire is rising, and I am ready. This battle may take months, but it will not take away my strength. This is the fight of my life, and I will not stop until I’ve secured the justice my family deserves.
