How making my will gave me peace of mind and protection for my kids
Today, I checked off one of the biggest items on my bucket list: I made my will.
This isn’t about giving up, and it isn’t about dark thoughts. (I know I wrote recently about suicidal thoughts, but this is not that.) This is about ensuring that no matter what life throws at me, my kids are protected, and my wishes are known.
It’s Not Perfect, But It’s a Start
Because I’m still in the middle of a separation and don’t yet have full parental rights, there are some things I couldn’t include. For example, I can’t officially direct that my girls go live with their Aunt in Australia if something happens to me. They’re old enough to choose for themselves, and I know what they’d want, but legally I have to wait until my divorce and custody arrangements are finalized.
And yes, it’s complicated. I have businesses, properties, and financial pieces that I couldn’t fully address yet because proper estate planning costs more than I can afford right now. For now, I had to keep it simple. But simple is still something. This will can be amended later, once the divorce financials are settled and I can bring in a lawyer to finalize the bigger picture.
What I Did Cover
I created a will, a living will, and a power of attorney.
- My will outlines where my assets should go and ensures my ex cannot touch what doesn’t belong to him.
- My living will puts my medical wishes in writing in case I ever can’t speak for myself.
- My power of attorney names someone I trust to handle financial and legal matters if I become incapacitated.
They said it would take 20 minutes. Realistically, it took me about an hour. But honestly? An hour to protect my kids and secure my future is not a bad deal at all.
It felt strange to do it, yet liberating too. Knowing that I was shutting down another loophole my ex could try to exploit gave me a sense of power I haven’t felt in a long time. With people like him, everything is weaponized — and without a will, my children would have been left to fight in court for control of assets that already belong to them. Now that fight won’t exist. This closes the door on his control.
Why Everyone Should Do This
We don’t like to think about wills and end-of-life planning, but the truth is: we all need them. Here’s why:
- Protect your kids – Without a will, courts and laws make the decisions, not you.
- Prevent conflict – Families can end up fighting if your wishes aren’t written down.
- Block unwanted claims – An ex, estranged relative, or even creditors may try to step in if nothing is in place.
- Control your care – A living will makes sure your medical choices are honored.
- Keep finances stable – Power of attorney ensures bills, businesses, and daily responsibilities are handled if you can’t do them yourself.
- Peace of mind – Knowing your wishes are clear means you can focus on living instead of worrying.
What an Ex Can Still Do Without These Protections
Even if you’re separated — and sometimes even after divorce — there are legal loopholes an ex can use if you don’t have a will, living will, or power of attorney in place. Depending on your situation and your province/state laws, here’s what could happen:
- Inheritance rights – If you die without a will (“intestate”), your ex may still have a claim on your estate or on property held in joint names, even if you’re long separated.
- Joint property – Without a will, your share of any property you still co-own could pass directly to your ex, not your children or family.
- Decision-making power – If you become incapacitated without naming someone else, your ex (as a spouse or legal next of kin) could end up with the right to make medical or financial decisions for you.
- Access to your children – If custody arrangements aren’t finalized, your ex could gain guardianship or custody rights by default, even if it’s unsafe or against your wishes.
- Financial control – Without power of attorney documents, your ex could argue for control over bank accounts, businesses, or debts tied to both of your names.
These are not “maybe” scenarios — they are legal defaults if you don’t put your own wishes in writing.
Why It Matters Even More for Survivors
For survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse, this step is more than just practical — it’s essential. Abusers often thrive on control, and that control doesn’t always stop when the relationship ends. They may use loopholes, technicalities, or even your silence to try to regain power.
Making a will, a living will, and a power of attorney cuts off those opportunities. It ensures:
- Your abuser cannot step back in to claim money, property, or influence over your children.
- Your children’s safety comes first, not the rights of someone who has harmed you.
- Your medical care decisions remain yours — not in the hands of someone who might minimize, neglect, or manipulate.
- Your legacy is secure, protecting both your assets and your boundaries long after you’re gone.
For survivors, putting these documents in place is an act of resistance, a way of saying: you no longer get a say in my life, my health, or my children’s future.
Moving Forward
For me, this step cost $100 on my credit card — money well spent. It gave me the freedom to check off something that had been sitting on my bucket list for 10 months. It was empowering to take back this piece of control.
I also had to do something equally important: ask for help. I reached out to my sister and a close friend to be my executors and hold power of attorney if I ever needed it. Both said yes. That alone gave me comfort, knowing I have people in my corner who will carry my wishes forward.
Now, the next steps are simple:
- Print it out.
- Sign and have it witnessed.
- Email copies to the relevant people.
- Secure a bank deposit box and file this along with birth certificates and other vital documents.
This may not be the most glamorous thing on my bucket list, but it’s one of the most important. Even though mine is just the beginning, it’s a step toward security for my children and a reminder that I am taking control of what I can.
Most of all, this isn’t only about preparing for the worst. It’s about looking to the future — not just mine, but my kids’ as well. Putting this in place means they can move forward without battles or uncertainty. And that, for me, is a step in the right direction.
