⚖️A Guide for Survivors, Parents, and Anyone Navigating Family Court
When you’re in the middle of divorce, custody disputes, or family law litigation, your lawyer isn’t just a legal technician — they are your shield, your strategist, and your advocate. You are paying them for their knowledge, but also for their duty of care.
This page outlines:
- The core responsibilities of a family lawyer
- Major red flags to watch for
- Your rights as a client
- How to ensure they’re doing the job
- And what to do if they’re not acting in your best interests
🧭 The Role of a Family Lawyer
Your lawyer is legally and ethically responsible for:
- Giving you clear legal advice tailored to your situation
- Explaining all your options and outcomes
- Forwarding all communications and offers from the other side
- Representing your best interests, not just “neutral middle ground”
- Following your instructions when legally appropriate
They are not there to be liked by the other lawyer.
They are not there to talk you into silence.
They are there to help you secure safety, stability, and fairness under the law.
🚩 Red Flags That Your Lawyer May Not Be Acting in Your Best Interest
Here are signs that your lawyer may not be doing their job properly — or may be ignoring serious risks:
- They pressure you to agree to unsafe access or visitation
- They discourage you from pursuing safety or criminal records early
- They act more concerned about how the other lawyer will respond than what’s right for you
- They dismiss your instincts (“OMG, are you joking? You want me to agree to WHAT?”)
- They are difficult to reach, avoid giving updates, or can’t explain next steps
- They lose track of documents, deadlines, or promises made
- They try to negotiate your children’s safety in exchange for other outcomes (e.g., consent to travel for one child only if you agree to access for another)
❗ If you feel a surge of panic, resistance, or alarm in response to their recommendation — listen to that feeling. It’s telling you something.
🗣️ Yes — You Can Disagree With Your Lawyer
Lawyers offer advice — not commands.
If something they recommend feels wrong — especially when it comes to child safety, coercive control, or post-separation abuse — you are absolutely entitled to say:
“I disagree. I want you to take the action I am instructing. Please confirm in writing.”
This is especially important in domestic violence cases, where:
- The legal system often minimizes coercive control
- Survivors are gaslit into compliance
- Lawyers may suggest “compromise” that is actually dangerous
Boundaries matter.
Safety matters.
Your voice matters.
✋ A Common (and Dangerous) Example
You’re asking for consent for your child to travel on a school or humanitarian trip.
Your ex refuses — unless you agree to give them access to your other child.
That parent has been charged with child abuse and uttering threats of bodily harm — against the very child who wants to travel.
And yet, your lawyer says:
“Maybe we should consider negotiating — it might get the signature.”
No.
You are not being difficult.
You are not “alienating.”
You are refusing to trade one child’s future for another child’s safety.
🧾 What Your Lawyer Should Be Keeping On Top Of
Your lawyer should actively manage the following:
💰 Child Support
- Ensure interim orders are in place
- Push toward final orders or registration with FRO
- Monitor underpayment, delays, or manipulation of business income
🧾 Section 7 Expenses
- Include extraordinary expenses in pleadings
- Secure cost-sharing agreements or orders
- Submit and track receipts
🛂 Passports and Travel Consent
- Push for consent early
- File a motion if consent is denied
- Include final passport clauses in orders
👧 VOC and OCL
- Request Voice of the Child (VOC) Reports if conflict is high
- Involve Office of the Children’s Lawyer (OCL) if warranted
- Don’t delay child-focused evidence gathering
🧾 CAS and Police Records
- File motions to obtain them early in the case
- Include them in your evidence
- Don’t wait until trial — child safety is time-sensitive
🧠 Follow Through on Your Instructions
- Motions, proposals, financial tracing, restraining orders
- Timely communication and case updates
- Written confirmation of actions taken
🏠 What If Your Ex Is Selling or Hiding Property During Divorce?
Your lawyer must immediately:
- File a non-depletion or preservation motion
- Request a Certificate of Pending Litigation for real property
- Seek full financial disclosure
- Raise misconduct in court filings
- Freeze business or corporate assets if needed
If they don’t? You may lose access to property, vehicles, retirement funds, or your share of the marital estate — forever.
⏳ What If the Other Lawyer Promises “Accountability” But Nothing Happens?
Stalling tactics often sound like:
“Let’s do an accounting later.”
“We’ll provide disclosure.”
“We’re reviewing the records.”
If nothing happens, your lawyer should:
- Send a firm written deadline
- File a motion to compel disclosure
- Request a preservation order
- Raise it in all court filings
- Follow your instruction in writing
Do not accept silence. Do not accept delay. Demand movement.
⏱️ Demanding Deadlines — And What to Do When They’re Ignored
One of the most common, harmful patterns in family law cases is endless waiting.
You raise an issue.
The other lawyer says, “We’ll get back to you.”
You wait.
You follow up.
They stall again.
Meanwhile — your child suffers. Your ex sells off property. Critical time is lost.You do not have to wait forever.
When your case is time-sensitive — whether it’s about child safety, financial disclosure, consent to travel, or property protection — your lawyer should be:
- Setting firm deadlines with the other side
- Enforcing consequences when deadlines are ignored
- Keeping written records of all delays and failures
🧭 What Should Be Given a Deadline?
Your lawyer should set written deadlines for:
- Disclosure of financial records, taxes, or business documents
- Signing travel consent forms or passport applications
- Providing receipts or payment for section 7 expenses
- Responding to proposals or settlement offers
- Turning over police or CAS reports
- Ceasing abusive or coercive contact
- Scheduling parenting time, makeup time, or missed access
- Compliance with previous court orders or agreements
📅 What the Deadline Should Look Like
A proper legal deadline is not vague — it is clear, firm, and documented.
Your lawyer should send a letter or email that says something like:
“Please provide the requested travel consent and passport application by no later than [date, e.g., Friday, August 2nd, 2025 at 4:00 p.m.]. If this is not received by that date, we will proceed with an emergency motion for court-ordered travel authorization and will be seeking costs.”
Or:
“If financial disclosure is not received in full by [date], we will file a motion to compel, request cost consequences, and raise this failure to comply at the next court appearance.”
This kind of language holds power — and gives the other party notice that delay has consequences.
⚠️ What If the Deadline Is Ignored?
If the deadline passes and the other party does nothing — your lawyer should immediately:
✅ File a motion:
- To compel disclosure
- To obtain consent or substitute it with a court order
- To preserve assets or stop property sales
- To address breaches of court orders
✅ Request cost consequences:
- The judge can order the other party to pay legal costs for wasting time
- This sets a strong tone that noncompliance won’t be tolerated
✅ Raise the issue in court:
- At the next conference or motion, your lawyer should make the delay visible to the judge and use it to support your case
✅ Document bad faith or pattern of delay:
- Every ignored deadline builds a record of obstruction
- This is critical in showing bad faith or manipulation — especially in high-conflict or abuse-related cases
🧨 Why Deadlines Matter in Coercive or Abusive Dynamics
Abusers often weaponize the legal system to:
- Stall proceedings
- Exhaust you financially and emotionally
- Delay justice until you’re too tired to fight
Missed deadlines = more control in their hands.
Enforced deadlines = power back in yours.That’s why your lawyer must not only set the deadlines — but follow through when they’re broken.
💬 What to Say to Your Lawyer
If you feel like your case is stuck in endless limbo, here’s how to assert your needs clearly:
“We’ve been waiting too long for [X]. I would like you to give them a firm deadline in writing, and if they do not meet it, I want a motion filed immediately. Please confirm you will be taking this action.”
If your lawyer resists, remind them:
“Delay is putting me and my children at risk. I am instructing you to proceed if there is no compliance by the deadline. This is time sensitive.”
Put it in writing. This creates a paper trail — and proof that you gave clear direction.
🔚 Final Word on Deadlines
A good lawyer doesn’t just ask for things.
A good lawyer demands them — and acts when demands are ignored.Deadlines without consequences are just words.
You deserve more than words.
You deserve protection, progress, and power.
🧠 What to Do If You Feel Your Lawyer Is Not Acting in Your Best Interests
If you’re unsure whether your lawyer is doing what they should:
- Use tools like ChatGPT, legal aid resources, or CLEO (Community Legal Education Ontario) to check your rights
- Request a second opinion from another family lawyer
- Speak to duty counsel at the courthouse
- Consider switching lawyers or filing a complaint with the Law Society of Ontario
📌 In Summary: Your Lawyer Works for YOU
Your lawyer should:
- Prioritize child safety and financial protection
- Respect your boundaries and instincts
- Act without delay when harm or loss is at stake
- Keep you informed, supported, and involved
- Push back — not back down — when you are being coerced
If they don’t?
You are allowed to ask better. Demand better. And if necessary — hire better.
