Abuse doesn’t just hurt your body or heart — it chips away at your sense of self.
Your voice. Your instincts. Your worth.
By the time you leave, you may not even recognize who you are anymore. You second-guess yourself constantly. You might feel broken, exhausted, lost.
But here’s the truth: You are not broken. You were wounded. And wounds can heal.
Confidence can be rebuilt — not all at once, but slowly, gently, brick by brick.
🧱 It Was Taken — But It’s Not Gone
Confidence isn’t something you “lose.”
It’s something that can be systematically dismantled by:
- Being constantly criticized or belittled
- Having your reality denied (gaslighting)
- Walking on eggshells to avoid punishment
- Being isolated from support systems
- Having your choices mocked or overridden
You didn’t just “forget” how to be confident — you were conditioned to believe you couldn’t be. And now? You get to unlearn all of that.
🌱 Healing Is Not a Straight Line
This journey isn’t neat. It doesn’t go: broken → healing → healed.
It looks more like: progress → trigger → spiral → pause → insight → growth → repeat.
But with each cycle, something powerful happens:
You recover faster. You rise stronger. You trust yourself a little more.
Yes, you’ll still get knocked down — but where you once stayed down for weeks, now it might be hours.
That’s growth. That’s healing. That’s resilience.
🌊 When Confidence Crashes Again
You were doing well — and then, out of nowhere, the ground disappeared beneath you.
Maybe it was a smell, a song, a memory.
Maybe someone used that tone.
Maybe your child said something your ex used to say.
Suddenly, you’re anxious, frozen, doubting everything again.
This is normal. This is what trauma does.
It hijacks the nervous system. It says: “Danger!” — even when there isn’t any.
⚠️ Understanding Trauma Responses
After prolonged abuse, your body lives in survival mode:
- Cortisol floods your system
- Your brain disconnects from logic
- You go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn
This isn’t weakness. It’s your body’s way of protecting you. But now that you’re safe, it needs help learning to calm down.
🧘♀️ Nervous System Care Tips
🧠 Ground yourself: 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste
💨 Deep breathing: in for 4, hold for 4, out for 6
🚿 Cold water: splash your face or run wrists under cool water
🚶♀️ Gentle movement: walking, stretching, shaking out limbs
🖊️ Journaling: write down what triggered you and remind yourself you’re safe
💬 Talk: reach out to someone who reminds you who you are
🔁 The Power of Routine
If you crave routine now more than ever — that’s not strange. It’s healing.
Routine creates predictability, and predictability creates safety.
In abuse, life was chaotic. Rules changed daily. You had to read moods, anticipate danger, stay small.
Now, your nervous system craves structure to feel secure again.
Start with:
- A calming morning or bedtime routine
- Regular meals, sleep, and hydration
- Setting phone alarms for self-care breaks
- Planning quiet evenings after hard days
You don’t need perfection — you need rhythm.
🤯 Why Even Small Decisions Feel Overwhelming
Many survivors feel anxious, even terrified, when asked to make decisions — even small ones like what to eat or wear.
This is decision fatigue, and it’s incredibly common after abuse.
You may have been:
- Punished for choosing “wrong”
- Criticized no matter what you did
- Robbed of your autonomy for years
- Trained to doubt your instincts
Now, suddenly being responsible for your life again can feel like too much.
🧠 Reclaiming Confidence in Choices
- 📝 Write down options — clarity helps reduce panic
- ❤️ Affirm yourself: “It’s safe for me to choose.”
- 🎯 Start small — pick your socks, your tea, your next step
- 🗣️ Ask safe people for support, not permission
- 🔄 Remind yourself: Making a mistake doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you’re human
Every decision you make now — no matter how tiny — is a step toward reclaiming your power.
🧩 Confidence Isn’t Loud — It’s Solid
You don’t need to be bold or brash to be confident.
You just need to start believing:
- Your voice matters
- Your needs are valid
- You don’t owe anyone silence
- You are capable — even if you don’t feel it yet
Confidence is built through action — not by waiting to feel ready, but by doing the thing anyway.
💬 Quotes to Hold Onto
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt
“Healing isn’t about never falling again. It’s about rising faster, softer, and with more self-compassion each time.”
— Anonymous
“They tried to bury us. They didn’t know we were seeds.”
— Mexican Proverb
💗 Gentle Affirmations for Confidence
Try speaking these aloud or writing them down:
- I am not who they said I was.
- I can trust my choices.
- It’s safe for me to be seen.
- Every step forward matters — even the tiny ones.
- I am healing. I am enough. I am allowed to thrive.
🛤️ You’re Further Than You Think
If you’re here, reading this — you’re already rebuilding.
You’ve already survived the hardest parts.
You’re not starting over. You’re starting from wisdom.
This isn’t just recovery.
This is rebirth.
