How to Protect Your Phone, Emails and Online Activity
Protecting your digital life when leaving an abusive relationship is something that is overlooked by many who are trying to leave or who have already left but it is one which allows your abuser to continue if you do not take action in this critically vulnerable area.
Technology has become an ever increasing way for abusers to monitor, control, and manipulate, sometimes without you even realizing it. From tracking your phone to hiding GPS devices in your car, tech abuse is a form of coercive control, and it can be dangerously invisible.
Here’s what you need to know to take back your tech safety and protect yourself.
📱 1. Phone Safety: Monitoring, Cloning & Hidden Apps
Abusers may:
- Install spyware or stalkerware
- Clone your phone to mirror texts, calls, and photos
- Sync your device to shared cloud accounts (like iCloud or Google)
- Use parental control apps to restrict or monitor your phone
Watch for:
- New apps you don’t remember installing
- Fast battery drain or overheating
- Receiving messages you didn’t send
- Your ex knowing things you never told them
Steps to take:
- Use a safe device to change passwords
- Consider getting a new phone and number
- Factory reset your phone only when it’s safe
- Avoid using shared chargers or cords—they can install malware
- Use encrypted messaging like Signal for confidential chats
🚘 2. Trackers in Cars and Personal Belongings
Abusers sometimes plant GPS trackers on vehicles or hide them in everyday items.
They can be hidden in:
- Glove compartments, undercarriages, or spare tires
- Backpacks, diaper bags, purses
- Children’s toys or gifts
- Luggage or coat linings
How to check:
- Do a visual and physical inspection regularly
- Use Bluetooth scanner apps or ask a mechanic or shelter advocate for help
- Check for unknown devices on your Bluetooth list or Apple’s “Find My” app
- Watch for messages saying, “An AirTag is moving with you”
🚨 If you find a tracker, don’t confront your abuser. Get to a safe place and report it – and allow the police to remove the device as evidence. New devices are so small even when being looked for by experts they are almost impossible to find in vehicles.
🎥 3. Hidden Cameras and Microphones
Covert surveillance devices are getting smaller and cheaper—and abusers are using them to spy silently.
Where they might hide cameras/mics:
- Smoke detectors or alarm clocks
- Picture frames or USB chargers
- Vents, stuffed animals, or plant pots
- Bathroom items: shampoo bottles, toiletries
- TV boxes, sockets, light fixtures
Signs to watch for:
- A strange “clicking” or buzzing noise in quiet rooms
- Small holes or blinking lights where they don’t belong
- Devices or gifts from your abuser that make you uneasy
- Lights or electronics turning on/off on their own
What to do:
- Turn off Wi-Fi and unplug suspicious devices
- Use a flashlight to scan rooms—camera lenses often reflect light
- Look for unfamiliar apps connected to smart home devices – or remove all smart home devices
- Use apps or devices that can detect hidden surveillance (though not always 100% accurate)
- If you do not have control over the internet provider then it is critical to do so – Starlink for example allows an App to control internet access so it is important to ensure that this is locked down so you can change passwords and cut off any devices they may have left if they are gone.
🔒 If you suspect you’re being recorded, use public or trusted spaces (a friend’s home, library, or shelter) for private conversations.
💻 4. Secure Your Email and Online Accounts
Your email is the digital gateway to everything else.
Steps to secure it:
- Change passwords to something strong and unpredictable
- Use two-factor authentication (preferably app-based, not via text)
- Review backup email/phone settings to ensure your abuser isn’t listed
- Research to make sure that other accounts cannot be used to access an online account like Google for logging in or Instagram as a recovery for Facebook.
- Check for suspicious login activity
Create a separate, secure email account just for legal, financial, or support communications.
🌐 5. Social Media & Privacy Settings
Social media can be empowering—but has risks attached by using it.
Protect your accounts by:
- Setting everything to private
- Blocking or removing connections tied to your abuser unless you are 100% sure you can trust them – People you have known sometimes for years turn out to not always be your friends
- Turning off location tagging and real-time posting
- Disabling photo tagging and reviewing what others can share
Avoid posting about your location, new home, or plans until you’re safe.
🧠 6. Online Hygiene & Daily Safety Habits
Small steps = big protection.
- Use unique passwords for every account
- Log out of shared or old devices
- Keep apps and devices updated
- Clear browser history or use incognito mode
- Avoid public Wi-Fi without a VPN
🚨 7. If You Think You’re Being Watched or Tracked
Signs you may be monitored:
- Your ex shows up in places they shouldn’t know about
- You hear odd noises or see blinking lights at night
- They reference conversations or plans you never told them about
If you’re unsure:
- Use a safe, trusted device to research or reach out
- Don’t confront the abuser directly—it can escalate risk
- Contact a women’s shelter, legal advocate, or tech safety support organization
📲 8. How to Check for Call and Text Forwarding Using Master Keypad Codes
Some abusers secretly set up call or text forwarding so that any incoming communication to your number is automatically sent to them—without your knowledge.
These settings can be applied directly from your phone’s keypad using master codes (also called MMI or USSD codes). You don’t need an app to check. Here’s how:
✅ How to Check if Call Forwarding Is Active
Open your phone app (like you’re going to dial a number) and enter the following codes:
| Code | Function |
|---|---|
*#21# | Check unconditional call forwarding (all calls) |
*#62# | Check if calls are forwarded when your phone is unreachable |
*#67# | Check if calls are forwarded when you’re on another call |
*#61# | Check if calls are forwarded when you don’t answer |
*#004# | Check all conditional call forwarding settings |
📍 When you enter these codes, your phone will display where calls are being forwarded (if at all). If you see a number you don’t recognize, especially your ex’s, this is a major red flag.
🛑 How to Turn Off Call Forwarding
To disable all call forwarding, enter:
##002#
This is a universal reset code that cancels all types of call forwarding on your phone.🔁 If you’re on a shared phone plan, remember your ex may be able to re-enable this remotely if they still have access. In this case, changing your phone number and carrier account may be necessary for full safety.
💡 Additional Tips:
- After checking, consider changing your SIM card and/or phone number if you suspect compromise.
- Contact your mobile provider and ask them to check for any account-level forwarding rules or monitoring tools.
- If you’re unsure how to interpret the results, bring your phone to a trusted advocate, tech support person, or domestic violence shelter.
- Changing your phone and SIM card may be the only way you may ever feel that you have a safe and secure device.
🛡️ Final Thoughts: Digital Safety = Real Safety
Reclaiming your privacy is part of reclaiming your power.
Digital safety isn’t paranoia – it is prevention
Whether it’s a cloned phone, a GPS in your car, or a camera in your living room—you are not paranoid. These tools are often used to exert control and fear, but knowledge is your shield.
You are allowed to be safe.
You are allowed to be private.
And you are allowed to fight back—smartly and silently.
You deserve to speak freely, text safely and rebuild your life without interference.
