Parenting a teenager can feel like you’ve gone from being their safe place to being the last person they want around.
You reach out with love — a hug, an offer to talk, a reminder that you’re there — and instead of opening up, they withdraw.
They shut their bedroom door. They scroll on their phone. They shrug at your questions.
And it hurts.
It’s easy to think:
“What did I do wrong? Why don’t they want me anymore? Did I fail them?”
The truth?
When a teen is in the thick of depression, anxiety, or emotional overload, your love isn’t rejected — it’s just not the tool they need at that exact moment.
Depression Feels Like Drowning
For many teenagers, depression isn’t sadness — it’s a heavy, numbing fog.
It can feel like trying to breathe underwater while everyone keeps asking them to talk, smile, and join in.
When you offer love, they know it’s there — but even accepting it can feel like work.
Sometimes, space is the only thing they can manage.
“The symptoms of depression aren’t personal… Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even people they love the most.”
— HelpGuide.org
Why Space Isn’t Rejection
Space allows them to:
Process their own thoughts without external pressure.
Regain a sense of control when everything feels overwhelming.
Avoid masking how bad they feel to protect you from worrying.
“It’s a delicate balance of being involved and checking in while also giving them space to develop.”
— Yalda T. Uhls, PhD
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Your Job as a Parent in This Stage
Forcing connection can backfire. Instead:
Keep the door open — “I’m here if you need me” goes further than a lecture.
Be consistent — Small, predictable gestures matter.
Respect boundaries — Knock before entering, let them choose when to share.
Seek professional help — Love alone can’t fix depression.
“Ask your kids if you can do something to support them that you’re not already doing. If you don’t ask them, you won’t know you need to do it.”
— Jenny Yip, PsyD
“Giving your teen space can be empowering.”
— Aaron Weiner, PhD
How to Connect without Crowding
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is simply be present without asking for anything.
“I understand that, but what’s really going on?”
— Mark Goulston, MD (Surgical Empathy)
⚠️Signs It’s More Than Typical Teen Distance
Seek help immediately if your teen:
Talks about feeling hopeless or like a burden.
Mentions wanting to die or self-harm.
Has sudden changes in sleep, appetite, or hygiene.
Gives away possessions or says goodbyes.
Withdraws from friends, family, and activities they loved.
Abuses substances or takes dangerous risks.
Shows signs of eating disorders (restricting food, purging, over-exercising).
Eating disorders have one of the highest mortality rates of any mental illness. Take them seriously.
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📞 Crisis Lines & Resources
North Bay & Northeastern Ontario
📱 Hands: TheFamilyHelpNetwork.ca — 1-800-668-8555 | Text 705-476-2293
📱 NBRHC Crisis Line — 1-800-352-1141
Canada-Wide
📱 Talk Suicide Canada — Call/Text 988
📱 Kids Help Phone — 1-800-668-6868 | Text CONNECT to 686868
🛑 Legal Steps in Ontario if They Refuse Help
If your teen is in imminent danger but refuses help:
1. Call 911 — Ask for a mental health crisis response.
2. Form 1 — A doctor’s order for up to 72-hour psychiatric assessment.
3. Justice of the Peace Order — Request an order for assessment at the courthouse.
4. Mobile Crisis Teams — In North Bay, Hands and NBRHC can send crisis workers to your home.
💡 This can strain trust, but if they are actively suicidal, safety comes first. You can rebuild trust later — you can’t undo a tragedy.
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Use Every Resource Available
Your family doctor can:
Rule out medical conditions that mimic depression.
Refer to therapists, psychiatrists, and eating disorder programs.
Monitor medication and adjust if needed.
Medication can help, but in some teens, certain antidepressants can temporarily increase suicidal thoughts. Close monitoring is vital.
Combine medical care, therapy, school supports, peer programs, and crisis services. One approach alone rarely works — layered support gives the best chance of recovery.
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💬 From My Experience as a Parent
I understand how heartbreaking it is.
I have experienced, as a parent, having a child suicidal and self-harming during the years we lived with domestic violence.
I’ve been through it again with another teen after we escaped — and heartbreakingly, I’m here again with a third teenager, while still battling in court for custody, visitation restrictions, and restraining orders against an abusive father.
The system fails in many ways, but there is support if you know how to access it.
I also know how hard it is to admit you need help. Escaping domestic violence was the hardest thing I have ever done. I struggled for a long time before I could reach out. I thought I could hold it all together on my own — but I was drowning.
Now imagine a teenager dealing with that same depression and family conflict, without the life experience or independence to control their situation.
Just like I didn’t always reach out to the people who loved me, they may not always come to you — even though they need you.
Knowing you are there, loving them without conditions, and staying steady until they are ready is exactly what they need to survive this stage.
And when they’re ready, they will come back for that love.
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Final Thought
You are still their anchor, even when they drift far from shore.
This isn’t easy. Watching your teenager struggle, knowing you can’t fix it, can be one of the most painful experiences as a parent.
That’s why you need support, too.
Find a trusted friend, counsellor, therapist, or parent group. Have someone who will remind you:
You are an amazing parent.
Your worry and fear mean one thing — you care deeply.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself so you can be strong for the day your teen reaches back for you.
